Patty Kikos interviews Lamia Daher, who is a hijab wearing partner in a law firm. She shares many tips and resources for carers about the importance of Estate Planning, specifically when it comes to having a will, appointing an Enduring Guardian, as well as a Power of Attorney. Having these documents up to date will ensure your wishes will be respected when you are no longer in a position to make decisions for yourself. GUEST: Lamia Daher - https://sterlinglegal.com.au/ Office Of Public Guardian NSW https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/public-guardian Office Of Public Guardian QLD https://www.publicguardian.qld.gov.au/ Office Of Public Guardian VIC https://www.publicadvocate.vic.gov.au/ Office Of Public Guardian SA https://www.opa.sa.gov.au/ Office Of Public Guardian WA https://www.wa.gov.au/organisation/department-of-justice/office-of-the-public-advocate Office Of Public Guardian NT https://publicguardian.nt.gov.au/ Office Of Public Guardian TAS https://www.publicguardian.tas.gov.au/ SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow Patty on Instagram Follow The Benevolent Society on Instagram Follow Carer Gateway on Facebook Follow The Benevolent Society on Facebook CREDITS: Host – Patty Kikos Producers – Patty Kikos and John Hresc Sound Engineer – John Hresc GET IN TOUCH: Carer Gateway is proud to offer emotional and practical services and support for carers with the aim of making your life easier. You can call us on 1800 422 737 to find out more about peer support groups, counselling, coaching, online skills courses, tailored support packages, emergency respite, other government supports, as well as tips and information, or visit our online home at www.carergateway.gov.au Got some questions or thoughts for Patty or the team? Email us at cgconnections@benevolent.org.au and put ‘Attention Patty’ in the subject line. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: The Benevolent Society acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Patty Kikos interviews Lamia Daher, who is a hijab wearing partner in a law firm. She shares many tips and resources for carers about the importance of Estate Planning, specifically when it comes to having a will, appointing an Enduring Guardian, as well as a Power of Attorney. Having these documents up to date will ensure your wishes will be respected when you are no longer in a position to make decisions for yourself.
GUEST:
Lamia Daher - https://sterlinglegal.com.au/
Office Of Public Guardian NSW https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/public-guardian
Office Of Public Guardian QLD https://www.publicguardian.qld.gov.au/
Office Of Public Guardian VIC https://www.publicadvocate.vic.gov.au/
Office Of Public Guardian SA https://www.opa.sa.gov.au/
Office Of Public Guardian WA https://www.wa.gov.au/organisation/department-of-justice/office-of-the-public-advocate
Office Of Public Guardian NT https://publicguardian.nt.gov.au/
Office Of Public Guardian TAS https://www.publicguardian.tas.gov.au/
SOCIAL MEDIA:
Follow Patty on Instagram
Follow The Benevolent Society on Instagram
Follow Carer Gateway on Facebook
Follow The Benevolent Society on Facebook
CREDITS:
Host – Patty Kikos
Producers – Patty Kikos and John Hresc
Sound Engineer – John Hresc
GET IN TOUCH:
Carer Gateway is proud to offer emotional and practical services and support for carers with the aim of making your life easier.
You can call us on 1800 422 737 to find out more about peer support groups, counselling, coaching, online skills courses, tailored support packages, emergency respite, other government supports, as well as tips and information, or visit our online home at www.carergateway.gov.au
Got some questions or thoughts for Patty or the team? Email us at cgconnections@benevolent.org.au and put ‘Attention Patty’ in the subject line.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
The Benevolent Society acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Patty
OK. So what is a family provisions claim?
Lamia
Family provisions claim is basically applying to the Supreme Court, and if you're like, for example, a family member of the deceased, say a spouse, de facto partner, past, present, a child, grandchild or if you were partially or completely dependent on the on the deceased, you may be entitled to seek a claim for provisions, especially if you weren't provided for in the will.
Patty
I see.
Lamia
But this is, let me just put in a proviso there, but this is a costly experience and this is why, again, you're gonna hear me say this a lot, it's really important to plan early.
Patty
Can you also contest the world if you believe the will is invalid, and if you do, what are the circumstances around a will being considered invalid for insteance?
Lamia
You can definitely contest a will if you believe that it was invalid. For example, if you believe that there was undue influence or pressure to get the wheel signed or the deceased didn't have the soundness of mind to sign the will.
Patty
I see. And again. Is it a really costly experience?
Lamia
Uh, yeah.
----
Billy:
From the Carer Gateway at the Benevolent Society, we welcome you to, Carer Conversations with your host Patty Kikos.
The Care Gateway is the Australian Government national care hub and provides reliable services, support and advice especially for carers.
This podcast is where we share interviews with guests that have specialized knowledge to help support carers to look after their emotional, mental and physical well-being.
We are recording on Aboriginal country, on lands which were never ceded. We acknowledge the traditional custodians and cultural knowledge holders of these lands and waters. We pay our respects to Aboriginal elders, past and present.
Always was, always will be.
---
Patty
Are you caring for someone that you might have to make legal decisions for in the near future? Are you, or you and your family in the process of needing to do some estate planning?
In today’s episode, I chat to Lamia Daher, who is a partner in a law firm, with 20 years of experience in resolving family & commercial law disputes. She has experienced the grief of losing a loved one and is passionate about supporting her clients to get what they are entitled to, so that they can move on with their life.
Please note this is legal information, not legal advice. Always consult a lawyer before you develop your legal planning for the future.
Lamia, one thing our listeners won’t necessarily know about you, is that you have a love of fashion, and you also wear the hijab, in fact, I believe that your sister is also the first hijab wearing magistrate in NSW!
This is something that I want to celebrate for all genders, but especially young Moslem women who can see your success as such a positive form of representation, and inspiration in their community and in their lives.
Now, given that you make a living asking difficult questions, I want to start by asking you a tough question straight away. Do you ever feel conflicted with your faith and the Australian legal system?
Lamia
Honestly, no, it's straightforward for me, the our interests align and Muslims are really obligated to abide by the laws of this country.
Patty
Have you ever experienced racism from other legal professionals, peers or even magistrates in court, because you do wear the hijab?
Lamia
Look, I experience racism in different forms from various people in the industry. It could be something as basic as them, assuming that I can't speak English, but I generally take a very positive approach and I use that as an opportunity to educate rather than getting really super defensive.
Patty
Yeah, that's really good. And what sort of things do people say to you?
Lamia
Ohh, they look at me funny or they'll ask me if I'm in the right section. Or something as silly as that, like assuming I’m the client, or an interpreter. So, it's something little like that. But it's getting a lot better these days I have to.
Patty
Earlier when we spoke Lamia, you said that you were a former quiet achiever, but now you're happy to be more vocal about your success. And in fact, you've even started an Instagram account which you use to assist people who are asking questions in the legal sector. What inspired you to be a little bit more, I would say prolific and outspoken about your success and your desire to be of service to people?
Lamia
So, it all started with my daughter, who had decided to put the hijab on , and I've always raised my kids to be very opinionated. Ambitious. You know the world is, is their oyster, basically. And then she put the hijab on and she said, you know, mum, I don't feel like I fit in. And I said why? And she said it was because of the hijab.
And I thought, wow, I'm not doing this kid justice. So, I jumped on Instagram, showed her that, you know, we could do anything we wanted. And then when I went on Instagram, I found out that there's a big need to help our community out, yes and basically give them free advice regarding, you know, family law, or any type of law that I practice.
Patty
You and your husband are the co-directors. Of your law firm and have done this successfully for 21 years. Are there any clashes with being business partners and life partners? I mean, have some clients ever even treated you in a disrespectful manner because they've assumed that you and your husband are not necessarily equals?
Lamia
Look, initially it was super difficult because we're both lawyers, but as time went on, we've learned how to respect each other as professionals and really enjoy the opportunity we've been given. Now regarding clients 100%, I get it sometimes. Unfortunately, there's still people out there that have a traditional view of women, which is really disappointing in this day and age, but as an advocate, I've learned that at the end of the day, if I can't service their legal needs for one reason or another, I'll either find a lawyer from my firm to take over, or I'll pass on the file to another firm.
Patty
Yeah, that sounds like a really reasonable response on your part.
Lamia
I think it's a level of maturity that you kind of acquire over time, but you're not going to be every... what is it? I don't know...
Patty
Choice perhaps or aligned preference?
Lamia
Yeah, and that's fine. And if I can't do my job, then you know they need to find someone else who can.
Patty
And at the end of the day, you don't really wanna be depleting your energy on someone that's never going to appreciate you.
Lamia
Ohh, I've had one client who treated me as though I was his enemy. Only because I was a woman.
Patty
How do you go working with your husband? Do you see a lot of each other? I mean, you're both raising 3 children together. You're in a life partnership. And then you're also business partners, so I can't help but think that that's a very interesting dynamic for any couple.
Lamia
It is a really interesting dynamic and we're often told that we should have our own show because we have very different personalities and we're both very outspoken, but it works for us. We've been doing it for such a long time now and it comes natural.
Patty
Do you both have a really great sense of humor?
Lamia
We do. I find him hilarious. He's hilarious.
Patty
Yeah. Well, that's everything then. If you can work with someone that makes you laugh and live with someone that makes you laugh. I mean, that's three quarters of the battle, isn't it?
Lamia
It is!
Patty
Well today I'd like our listeners to hear about estate planning. What is it? Why do our carers need it and why is it so important?
Lamia
Estate planning is making sure your wishes are carried out during your lifetime and after you pass away. It can relate to property, your assets, or even your health and medical wishes. And because you don't know when it's going to happen, where you're going to get sick or pass away, it's really important for our listeners to know that they should start doing their planning for their future and today. It's important because it gives carers the legal right to look after their loved one when they can no longer look after themselves.
Patty
So, by having a proper plan in place. What does that actually mean?
Lamia
It will reduce possible disputes amongst family members, money, time. So, it'll really be helping out those that you care and love.
Patty
OK, so there are some terms that get thrown around and I think it would be really great to define them for our careers. Can you tell me what a Power of Attorney is and what an Enduring Guardian is?
Lamia
Let's define them from the perspective of the carer. A Power of Attorney gives a carer the legal authority to have either full or limited financial and legal control over their loved one's financial affairs. It could come into place when their loved one can make decisions or can no longer make decisions on their own behalf.
Whereas an Enduring Guardian is where a carer is legally appointed to take care of their loved ones, medical, dental, healthcare or even lifestyle decisions. It starts when a person can no longer make those decisions for themselves, but you can only be appointed when someone has the capacity.
Patty
When someone has the capacity to say I, for example, appoint Lamia to be my Power of Attorney and my Enduring Guardian. So, once they no longer have capacity, they are no longer in a position to appoint someone a Power of Attorney or an Enduring Guardian.
Lamia
That's right. And that's why it's really important to start early.
Patty
So many of our carers are co Power of Attorneys and Co Enduring Guardians. For example, siblings can share those roles for their parents or for another sibling. Or alternatively, parents can share those roles for their child.
What advice do you have for our carers in these situations who might disagree about matters related to their loved one. Some examples might be whether or not the care recipient is issued with a Do Not Resuscitate when they're being operated on in the event of something going wrong, or perhaps in the case of a frail patient, whether or not chemo treatment should even be administered.
Lamia
Well, this is never an easy situation and I'd recommend families or friends, whatever the case may be, to have an honest discussion with their loved one early on before they lose their mental capacity, because really that decision is theirs first and foremost. And again, this is why it's really important that people address estate planning early. People shouldn't wait until they're sick. In the event that it's too late, then an honest discussion needs to take place regarding the quality of life. But then again, this is where it can get very messy.
Patty
A specific question that our carers have asked me to ask you, is based on them feeling intimidated and frustrated when their voice is not heard.
Sometimes one person does the lion’s share of the caring role such as being responsible for personal care, yet they feel unheard or invalidated, as the other person who does the admin side of the role, might be louder, more educated, or they might have greater access to resources or money. In some cases, the other carer is making all the financial decisions but is not giving their caring partner access to any bank accounts or financial records.
It's a bit like the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and when you’re someone that tends to err on the quiet side of a discussion, ensuring that your opinion is considered, can be challenging when dealing with more extroverted or even domineering people. I’ve seen this clash between siblings and parents as co carers, and I’ve even seen it when a partner takes care of their husband or wife, but the children of the care recipient are not taking their perspective into consideration.
What legal advice can you give our listeners that are navigating these kinds of circumstances?
Lamia
OK, so in this certain circumstance you can request the Civil and Administrative Tribunal in your state to review the Power of Attorney or the Enduring Guardianship and ask them to review it by looking at whether that attorney or that guardian is not acting in the best interest of the care recipient.
Patty
And you are considered as a person who has a proper interest in the proceedings or a genuine concern for the welfare of the care recipient, is that right?
Lamia
Well, yes. And you don't have to be a Power of Attorney or Enduring Guardian as long as you have a genuine concern for the welfare of the care recipient. They will take on your opinions and review them.
Patty
What are some examples?
Lamia
So, say for example regarding the Enduring Guardianship, the tribunal has the power to change the order if it's not working for the person under the guardianship. And then say, for example, with the Power of Attorney, the tribunal can order the attorney to provide records, accounts, or audit them. They can even inquire as to the conduct of the attorney. So, there's options there, but in general you cannot make a request to review based on a difference of an opinion.
Patty
Yeah. So, they'd have to be, like, a serious concern, like potential elder abuse or potential abuse of anyone that's a care recipient. And if it's a complex question, then does the tribunal refer the matter to the Supreme Court.
Lamia
Yes, that's correct.
Patty
I see. OK, one of our previous guests that we've had on the show spoke about the amount of paperwork that's required to complete after a loved one passes away. Is it important to have a will in place? And what about our carers, for instance, that don't necessarily own their own property?
Lamia
OK, so unlike a Power of Attorney or an Enduring Guardian, a will is a legal document which kicks in after a person's passed away, so it can consider obviously your property, but also consider, say children and pets or heirlooms. So regardless of whether you own property or not, it's important that you have a will in place. Especially if those children are under the age of 18, so you will inevitably reduce heartache, time and money for those who are left behind after you pass.
Patty
OK, so let's discuss a few key points because sometimes you can be a beneficiary of the will and an executor which can potentially be a conflict of interest. Can you share with our listeners what an executor of a will's primary role is. Can you even contest a will?
Lamia
An executor is your representative after you pass, the person you assigned in the will to carry out your wishes and administer your estate. A beneficiary is anyone who stands to receive a gift or benefit in the will.
You can contest a will. This is a big topic which probably need its own separate podcast, but I'll try and keep it brief. So you can contest a will based on its invalidity or by making a family provisions claim.
Patty
OK. So what is a family provisions claim?
Lamia
Family provisions claim is basically applying to the Supreme Court, and if you're like, for example, a family member of the deceased, say a spouse, de facto partner, past, present, a child, grandchild or if you were partially or completely dependent on the on the deceased, you may be entitled to seek a claim for provisions, especially if you weren't provided for in the will.
Patty
I see.
Lamia
But this is, let me just put in a proviso there, but this is a costly experience and this is why, again, you're gonna hear me say this a lot, it's really important to plan early.
Patty
Can you also contest the world if you believe the will is invalid, and if you do, what are the circumstances around a will being considered invalid for insteance?
Lamia
You can definitely contest a will if you believe that it was invalid. For example, if you believe that there was undue influence or pressure to get the wheel signed or the deceased didn't have the soundness of mind to sign the will.
Patty
I see. And again. Is it a really costly experience?
Lamia
Uh, yeah.
Patty
When your loved one passes away, what's the process that you go through from a legal perspective?
Lamia
So ideally you're first wanting to apply for the death certificate and locate the will.
Patty
How do you do that?
Lamia
Well, if you can't locate the will, your lawyer will be obligated to, according to the Supreme Court, ask all the solicitors nearby within a 10K radius if they hold the will or not. They would also ask the Trustees and Guardian department if they hold the will.
Patty
Do you need to look through the personal effects?
Lamia
100%. That's the first point where you should be looking.
Patty
And then if you can't locate it?
Lamia
If you can't locate it, go to your lawyer and go from there.
Patty
OK, so once you've got those two documents, which is obviously the will and what else?
Lamia
It's a death certificate. Then the lawyer can take over the matter from there.
Patty
And then what happens?
Lamia
It's a 2 step process. So say for example you find the will, the lawyer will then apply to the Supreme Court for a grant of probate, and they'll put in a notice saying that they're going to administer the will and anyone who has any claims puts forward their claim. If there is no will, then it becomes the letters of administration, a similar process again, but a little bit more involved because there's no will.
Patty
I see. I see. Where do you get the death certificate?
Lamia
Well, this depends on where the deceased has passed away. So, say for example it was a nursing home. They will hand you a form and you'll complete it in conjunction with them. And then submit it to Births Deaths and Marriages.
Patty
If they do not have a will in place and they do not own any property, what happens to their belongings and who has lawful access to them?
Lamia
So their next of kin will be the lawful owner of their belongings, subject to any family issues, of course, and they'll have access to them straight away.
Patty
OK. How is the next of kin defined? I mean, is it a partner or a child or is it dependent on circumstances?
Lamia
It just depends on the circumstance. Next of kin may be your partner, it may be a child, it may be a blood relative. So, it depends on who's closest to that person at the time.
Patty
OK, so if they have neither, it goes down the steps of who's in line, maybe spouse, partner, child or it just depends if someone doesn't have any of that.
Lamia
Yeah, if they don't have any of that, then it'll go to the Trustee and Guardian.
Patty
Really? And what does that mean?
Lamia
It goes to the state.
Patty
So all their belongings are inherited by the state. And then what does the state do? Seize them and sell them?
Lamia
I suppose so, yeah. I've never had anyone die without having anyone close to them.
Patty
A lot of our clients do, though.
Lamia
Oh, really? That's really sad.
Patty
Yeah it really is. If someone passes away and they do not have a will in place and they do have assets, for example a car or some money in a bank account or even a home, what happens to their belongings and who has lawful access to them then? So, for instance, what happens for example, when there are 2 siblings who want to fight over personal effects?
Lamia
OK, so if you have 2 siblings, for example, and they're fighting it, you can challenge it, but really it's going to go down to the the cost issue. Is it really worth arguing over? Say for example, a $10,000 ring in the courts? For $50,000. This is why you should really leave a will behind.
Patty
So, you’ve got to weigh the pros and cons of how much it's going to cost me to pay this lawyer versus what is this worth to me, which is, you know, an interesting topic, because sometimes it's not about the worth of money, but the value that an object might have.
Lamia
That's right. That's right.
Patty
So, in the case of, say, a bank balance or vehicles, how would a transfer of ownership take place?
Lamia
So that would be. Through the Services NSW.
Patty
Or Services Queensland or whatever respective state, yeah.
Lamia
That's right. And in the case of a bank balance, if it's over a certain amount of money, then you would need to apply for letters of probate letters of administration.
Patty
Yeah, I see. This is why will is so important.
Lamia
Yeah, you're gonna hear this sentence a lot. And so the next of kin in that regard would apply to the Supreme Court, get their grant of letters of administration, which again is a similar process to if you had a will.
Patty
Some of our carers are in a position where they're caring for a partner, other are caring for a parent and are potentially sharing the caring role with their siblings. For those carers who are parents and will likely pass away before their child, who has special needs, does do you have specific advice for each of those categories? OK, so most definitely the best thing you can do is again, plan ahead.
Lamia
Don't wait until it's too late, because if it's too late, it's going to cost your loved ones so much money and even tear a family apart.
Patty
Yeah, I get that, yeah.
Lamia
For example, if you're caring for a parent or sharing responsibilities with siblings, make sure you have family meetings and a strategy for moving forward regarding making decisions and execute those plans accordingly and in accordance with your loved one's choice.
Patty
OK, so we need to also make arrangements for our child or partner in the event that we pass away before they do.
Lamia
That's right. So with regards to children, for example, or even your partner, you gotta consider who's going to look after them after you're gone, set up a trust. And the point of trustee, this could be a family member.
Patty
Yep, Yep.
Lamia
Make sure you have that conversation with that person 1st and yeah.
Patty
And it's best to choose someone that has the same values as you do. And of course, you'd have to let them know. So is it trustee smilar to an executor in that sense?
Lamia
It's similar in that regard.
Patty
Yeah, on some occasions, would they also get paid? For the work they do?
Lamia
In certain situations, they can get paid. Of course, it depends on what's put in the will and if they've accounted for that.
Patty
Yeah, I see. So, depending on the trust in some cases, the trustee gets paid, but in other cases they don't. And what's the other thing that you would need to ensure in in, in addition to appointing a trustee? What else would you need to ensure?
Lamia
Well, if you wanted to make sure that the trustee is going to get paid, then it's specified in the will.
Patty
So you need to ensure your will includes the trust to look after them financially after you pass away, OK.
Lamia
Yes, OK. And then have a conversation with your loved one if possible and take a take on board their wishes. Talk to the guardian in your state and see if they can appoint a financial manager. If there is no one else to look after your finances.
Patty
A financial manager would be appointed by the state Trustee and Guardian.
Lamia
Yes.
Patty
Ohh, I see. OK. Yes. As a lawyer, what is something you wish our carers knew about when it comes to caring for a loved one’s estate planning, or even division of assets, and I feel like we've already mentioned this.
Lamia
The best advice I can give to anyone listening would be to start planning today. It could be something so simple as talking to friends or family, your accountant, your lawyer and then go from there. The main point is to have all the necessary documentation in place, and so that you don't leave it too late because it will become infinitely more difficult.
Patty
If you cannot afford a lawyer, where can you go online to get these documents organised such as wills or Power of Attorney or Enduring Guardian?
Lamia
Your state Trustee and Guardian is a good place to start. Or you could purchase a will through Australia Post. However, a will purchase through Australia Post is not going to be as thorough as a one prepared by a lawyer.
Patty
And in terms of maintaining your energy in terms of avoiding burnout, Lamia, do you have any advice for our?
Lamia
Avoiding burning out again another podcast opportunity! Haha. Burning out is a real issue for anyone and you don't have to be a lawyer, you don't have to be working full time or a carer, so I think it's more important that you stop what you're doing and have some self reflection. Take some time away from whatever it is that's burning you out and just reevaluate what's important to you.
Patty
For a lot of our carers, that's just not possible when they're caring for someone and they don't have any help.
Lamia
OK, so for example it doesn't have to be a long period of time, just stop. You know, go outside, enjoy the sunlight, go to the beach for an hour, half an hour, or if it's in the evening to have a cup of coffee, make a cup of tea.
Do something that you actually enjoy. And just, rebalance. Reevaluate your life, because if you're depleted and if you've overworked, how can you look after someone else? You won't be doing anything. I mean I it happens to me often, burning out. And that's what I do. Even if I can't take time off, I'll make sure I give myself a little bit of time just to reevaluate what is the end goal and how can I get there without burning out.
Patty
And it's good. It's good that you said that. Now I think that I have picked your brain more than enough, and it might be time to reward you with some rapid fire wrap up questions. Have you ever decided not to work with a client based on maybe a clash of morals or ethics?
Lamia
Yes, 100%.
Patty
Interestingly, do you do this more now that you're older and more experienced and you've earned your stripes as opposed to when you were younger and probably eager to please?
Lamia
Definitely, yeah, definitely.
Patty
Isn't it amazing how wisdom comes with age?
Lamia
It is. It's one of the beautiful things about growing old. Yeah, that you can say no, this is not right for me. Yeah. I'm not doing anything wrong. It's just not working.
Patty
Yeah, we're not aligned. Hmm. OK, finish the phrase. The way to my heart is...
Lamia
Ohh, have a big sweet too. Can't help it. I love my sugar.
Patty
What's your favourite?
Lamia
Anything like chocolate? It's ice cream chocolate everything. Cake!
Patty
OK. What's the biggest obstacle that you're currently facing in your life?
Lamia
Balancing time and expectations
Patty
Of yourself or of others?
Lamia
No. My time and my expectations of myself.
Patty
Yes. I imagine you're probably your harshest critic.
Lamia
I have high expectations and I set really big goals for myself.
Patty
I can see you doing that. How do you measure your success, Lamia?
Lamia
Ohh well, I think it's measured by freedom of time and happiness. If I don't have any time and I'm not happy, then that's not being successful really.
Patty
Yeah, I resonate with that.
Do you think it's more? Important to be respected or do you think it's more important?
Lamia
This one’s tricky.
Respected. Yeah, I think because I mean, what's the point of being liked if you're not respected?
Patty
Yeah, and it’s about being liked for you being authentically you, isn't it?
Lamia
Yeah, definitely.
Patty
What's that phrase? I'd rather be sad for the truth and happy for a lie?
Lamia
Ohh. I like that!
Patty
OK, what's your favourite word or phrase in another language?
Lamia
It’s “ya habibi”
Patty
Ohh yes I know it.
Lamia
And it's not an endearing term. It's more of a sarcastic term. So when someone sends me a letter and I'm not happy, I'm like, oh, great. It's kind of like, “Great, excellent, here we go!”.
Patty
Do you use it when you're driving as well?
Lamia
So, if someone cuts me off, yeah, for sure
Patty
I like it because. It stops you from swearing.
Lamia
Yeah. Yeah, especially when you have a car full of kids.
Patty
Do you change the word "ya habibi” according to the gender? So, do you say "ya habipti”? If it's a girl?
Lamia
No, it's just “habibi” It’s like a reflex now, I don't even think about it.
Patty
Thank you so much Lamia! Your advice and your explanations have been so helpful for us today at Carer Conversations.
Lamia
Thank you for having me.
Patty
My pleasure. Now folks, if you think someone can benefit from the information that Lamia has shared, please feel free to share it with them. Liking, subscribing and living as a 5 star review will also ensure we get to the right listening ears to make sure that we share the information our carers need, in order to thrive in their role.
Remember the Guardian and Trustee office is not a national website, so please make sure you contact the one that governs your state. And until we meet again, take good care of yourself.
Billy:
If you are caring for a relative or a friend who has a disability, a mental health condition, a life limiting health or medical condition.
Or they are frail because they're getting older. Please contact us at Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737, or look us up on www.carergateway.gov.au
And if you are a carer, you're allowed to take time to look after yourself. You are just as important as the person you take care of.