This month, Patty Kikos interviews Paul Koury, the founder of the digital (and physical) magazine called The Australian Carers Guide. Paul shares the inspiration behind him creating such an incredible resource for carers when he and his sister needed information while caring for their mum many years ago. He is passionate about carers having as many resources as possible and has generously given our listeners a free link to access his digital magazine. Paul also shares about his own caring needs and how he hasn’t given up on finding love again!
This month, Patty Kikos interviews Paul Koury, the founder of the digital (and physical) magazine called The Australian Carers Guide. Paul shares the inspiration behind him creating such an incredible resource for carers when he and his sister needed information while caring for their mum many years ago. He is passionate about carers having as many resources as possible and has generously given our listeners a free link to access his digital magazine. Paul also shares about his own caring needs and how he hasn’t given up on finding love again!
GUEST – PAUL KOURY:
The Australian Carers Guide: https://australiancarersguide.com.au/
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CREDITS:
Host – Patty Kikos
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
The Benevolent Society acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Paul: A lot of people make a care plan for their elderly loved ones, but they don't include themselves. And I say, when you make a care plan, it should be a dual care plan.
Patty:
That's a good tip actually.
Paul:
Yeah, you need to have your own agenda in there as well. When your times are for care as well as the care of your elderly loved one, and not to go too deep into it, but when the elderly loved one, let's say your elderly mother knows that you are in good health, they feel more comforted than knowing that you're coming in on your last breath, but you've been there every day doing everything you can for them, but they can see you're fragile. They’re more anxious.
So you might feel that, you know, on a surface level, hey, you know, I've dug deep, I'm going the extra mile, but on an emotional subconscious level, your elderly loved ones not feeling as secure if you're starting to wobble. It's a bit like, I always think in terms of pictures, but it's a bit like when you're on an airplane, you're getting a lot of turbulence. If you look at the hostess and she's freaking out.
Patty:
It gives you permission to do the same, but if she's calm, you’ll be calm.
Paul:
Correct.
Patty:
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Paul:
And that's what we say. So self-care, I would say, you know, prioritize it because people living longer, you're gonna be caring for longer and it's about the journey. And if you lose your health, you're no good to anybody.
----
Billy:
From the Carer Gateway at the Benevolent Society, we welcome you to, Carer Conversations with your host Patty Kikos.
The Care Gateway is the Australian Government national care hub and provides reliable services, support and advice especially for carers.
This podcast is where we share interviews with guests that have specialized knowledge to help support carers to look after their emotional, mental and physical well-being.
We are recording on Aboriginal country, on lands which were never ceded. We acknowledge the traditional custodians and cultural knowledge holders of these lands and waters. We pay our respects to Aboriginal elders, past and present.
Always was, always will be.
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Patty:
And we're back. I hope you're doing well and taking the time to look after yourself as much as you look after your loved one. It gives me great pleasure to introduce you all to Paul today. There's actually so much to unpack with Paul Koury. And I'm going to get straight into it with a quick introduction, because I want you to meet him as soon as possible.
Paul is the founder and publisher of the Australian Carer Guide, which is a 132 page quarterly publication, and it is packed full of helpful, practical, and entertaining content, all in one easy to read magazine. It's available in print at all newsagents, and for all our listeners, We can give you a link so that you can subscribe to digital guide
Paul spent 8 years caring for his mother with his sister Josie. During that time, he found it very frustrating and stressful and he was amazed at how little information there was for unpaid carers about what support was available and what free services they could receive.
However, after talking with other carers, Paul discovered that almost all felt exactly the same way. Having spent 30 years in the publishing industry, Paul decided to start his own magazine to help other unpaid carers navigate their way through this difficult and complicated time. Being seen, supported, and well-informed is making a real positive difference in their daily lives. Now, Paul, we are not recording in the studio today as you live in Melbourne. Tell me how you are and how everything's flowing for you.
Paul:
Ooh cold to begin with. Haha. It's 11 degrees here in Melbourne.
Patty:
At the end of June at the time of this recording.
Paul:
Yeah, right in the middle of the winter. But apart from that, I'm doing really good.
Patty:
Okay, so tell me a little bit about your background. I know that you've got an Egyptian heritage. Were you born in Egypt?
Paul:
I was born in Alexandria in Egypt. I don't remember much about it other than the slides. There's an old one for you. Slide night we used to have as kids and my parents used to show me as a 2-year-old on a camel. But then once I turned 2, we migrated to Australia. So I didn't have any recollection of Egypt. And I was raised here. So definitely in an Egyptian household.
Patty:
Did you speak Arabic?
Paul:
I speak French.
Patty:
You spoke French.
Paul:
Yeah, Mum thought that Arabic was a little too... Because we're Christian-based Egyptians, and so Mum and Dad just spoke French to us as kids and we... end up having to learn English. So
Patty:
Do you still speak French?
Paul:
I do. It's a bit rusty now since mum and dad have gone because you know, if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Patty:
Yeah, that's true.
Paul:
I use it to impress people.
Patty:
You use it on your first dates, don't you Paul?
Paul:
Ha-ha yes I do!
Patty:
So, tell me a little bit about how it all started because I know that you started by relieving your mum of caring for your dad. I know that's how your caring journey started. How long ago was that?
Paul:
Oh, that was probably about 10 years ago, no longer now, 15 years ago.
Patty:
That was 15 years ago?
Paul:
Yeah, so Mum cared for Dad, even though she had her own health issues, but she's from the old school where you just sacrificed by his side.
And she did the lion's share, but to relieve Mum, we would care for Dad every now and then, so that Mum would just look after herself.
Patty:
Did your dad have dementia?
Paul:
No, he didn't. He had all his faculties. He just had old age and different things in the end. I think it was pneumonia. But yeah, as the body gets older, it just deteriorates from one thing or another. But no, it wasn't anything mental. It was more physical.
Patty:
Yeah, right, and that would have been quite physically taxing for your mum, hence why you and your sister pitched in.
Paul:
Correct, yeah.
And so dad eventually moved into a nursing home and we would visit him a lot, so would mum, and we made sure he always had company.
But then when he finally, and then the first person to go in the family was actually my eldest sister. She died of cancer at 48, which was a real sad time.
Patty:
How devastating for your parents because they had to bury a child, instead of being buried before their children.
Paul:
Yeah for sure, and dad was gone 6 months later. I think he died from a broken heart.
Patty:
Oh, wow.
Paul:
Because parents should never bury a child.
Patty:
No, ideally.
Paul:
And, a sad story, but being Catholic, they had a showing, as they do, which happens the night before with your open lid. but they only do it for an hour. And during that period of time, we had organised, and pre-booked a maxi taxi because dad had to come in the thing,
Patty:
Of course
Paul:
In the wheelchair and what have you, and they were late, and they didn't come and dad missed out on the viewing..
Patty:
Oh, that's tragic.
Paul:
And that is so sad because everybody was there but the parents because of course mum was worried he was late. Yeah, just sad little things like that. And I think that just was too much for dad and he gave up the will to live. You know the spirit, what I've learnt is the spirit of a person can sustain them. But once they give up the will, they deteriorate very quickly.
Patty:
Yeah and he was already frail when your sister was unwell I'm suspecting
Paul:
Correct.
Patty:
And then when she departed it was too much for him and he wanted to join her obviously.
Paul:
Pretty much and so that left mum on her own, and what we realised was mum had social phobia, I mean not social phobia, anxiety about being alone.
Patty:
She had social anxiety. So that's something that you didn't know about her. And is that because she meticulously arranged her around..
Paul:
Oh completely!
Patty:
Really?
Paul:
Like once we knew the diagnosis, we just, all of a sudden we had an epiphany of all the things she did and said and finagled here and, you know, organised over there. So, she was never alone. And it just all of a sudden all made sense.
Patty:
Who diagnosed her, Paul?
Paul:
Um, a psychologist. So, to deal with that, we had to make sure that someone was with her all the time because she still lived in the family home. So, we organised the family. I got the, luckily my sister, before she passed, she had 5 kids and, my other sister's got 4, so there was 9 plus me.
Patty:
So there were 5 children from your older sister, 4 children from your other sister, 1 child from you. Who actually instigated the creation of this roster?
Paul:
I did, because that's what I do. I'm a manager. I like to be practical about things.
Patty:
You like to fix things?
Paul:
yeah, and I know those younger generations will try and sort of weasel out of doing it, and I'm like, well, if you're going to share in their inheritance, you're going to put skin in the game and I'm going to make sure of it.
{Both laugh}
Patty:
You know, I know we're laughing, and I know we're giggling, but it is really important for our carers to hear this. And I guess I've got a little bit of a loaded question. Maybe it's a leading question, but maybe it's also a sweeping statement and an overgeneralization. But do you think that you instigated this because of your natural organizational skills, do you think it's a personality characteristic or do you think it's got a lot to do with your gender? Because I know a lot of mums hesitate to reach out and some of them can sometimes fall into the category of going from... caring for someone, to caring, to being a caretaker and then to being an enabler. But I don't think it's just a gender-based thing, I think it can be a personality thing as well. But I'm curious to hear what you think.
Paul:
I think it's a bit of both.
Patty:
Yeah.
Paul:
I remember when I was married, my ex-wife at the time, she could get very emotional about things and end up, it was just all becoming soup and not, she wasn't able to see clearly.
And what I provided was the ability to just be logical, one step at a time, very methodical, and would always give her peace, because I could put the pieces in where they belong and help her to logically make sense of all her thoughts.
I think that works well with most men and women. I think that, you know, the old story about men open up one box at a time and women have all their boxes open up at the same time. But men do one thing at a time. I think that's just the way we are, a very logical process, methodically driven. Not to say that women aren't, but I think it's, you know, predominantly men. So, yeah,
Patty:
It's a sweeping statement and it's definitely an overgeneralisation because I do know some women that are that way inclined, but I also think it depends on what the topic is. You know, when it's someone that's close to you, sometimes your logic goes out the window, but it sounds like yours didn't and it sounds like your sister was someone that was more nurturing, would you say?
Paul:
Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. When it came to the job share, when it came to caring for mum, she did much more of the hands on type stuff. And I did more of the paperwork, the legal stuff, the dealing with Centrelink, My Aged Care assessments, all the things that required..
Patty:
The administrative side to be agile and adept.
Paul:
I do know that administration is one of my strengths. I'd say it's not hers, but I definitely, I've got a queasy side, I'm not a sort of a, you know, hands on sort of person. Hahaha
Patty:
Oh, and so with things like changing nappies as well as other things?
Paul:
Well mum had stoma bags in the end because, yeah, I don't know if your carers are aware of that, but
Patty:
Well, please tell us…
Paul:
Well, I’m trying to find the most, I hope nobody's having their lunch or their breakfast, but it's when your rectum no longer functions as it should, so they redirect the,
Patty:
The movements from the bowel, yep.
Paul:
this, yeah, and they put it on your stomach somewhere in the stomach and they attach a bag to it.
Patty:
Yeah, and they need to be changed how often?
Paul:
As often as they leak.
Patty:
Oh!
Paul:
As often as they empty and whatever. It's a very humiliating thing. And mum was a very proud woman.
Patty:
Yeah, of course.
Paul:
Yeah, that generation. And it was interestingly enough that a lot of the nursing homes that we would look for mum, wouldn't take her because they just didn't know how to deal with that.
Patty:
Is that right?
Paul:
Yeah yeah, it was very limited. And in the end, my sister said she'd take on the responsibility. She trained the nurses on how to do it.
Patty:
Wow.
Paul:
Suffice to say when that situation was happening, if I was to have a visit, uh, they would walk into the room, and I would walk out of the room.
{Both laugh}
Patty:
Now talk about a divide and conquer. And I love how honest you are. It's very endearing.
Paul:
Yeah, well, you know, you get to my age and, you know who you are, you know, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and it's, you know, admitting your weaknesses is a strength
Patty:
with someone that can be aligned with your strengths and weaknesses and when you can divide and conquer without feeling resentful or angry, I think it's a really beautiful blessing and it sounds like you’ve got that with your sister.
Paul:
Yeah, yeah, because the motive is always love. When love is the motive, you can sort things out usually..
Patty:
Usually, yeah.
Paul:
Because it's coming from the right place.
Patty:
Let me ask you something. What did you find was most overwhelming about your caring role initially? And I guess I don't know what I mean by that because am I referring to when you started caring for your dad or for your mum? And we also mentioned your sister. You were also grieving your older sister initially, weren't you?
Paul:
Yeah, it wasn't so much when dad was around because mum did a lot of the heavy lifting. It was when mum was by herself and she ended up having to move out of her home into a nursing home, she needed a lot of attention.
And she had this way of being able to, I wouldn't say manipulate, but encourage us to be around aaaalllll the time..
Patty:
Entice you. J
Paul:
Yep. And look, you know, we write about it in our magazine about guilt and how guilt can, you know, be used as a wonderful tool to get us to do things that we not normally should.
Patty:
So, I'm actually really glad that you brought up the concept of guilt, Paul, because a lot of our carers do talk about that. And they also talk about how sometimes, even though they care for their loved one who desperately does need to be cared for, there is also an element of manipulation as well. That's kind of natural, isn't it?
Paul:
Yeah, and they don't do it to be, you know, vindictive or anything. It's just that they're very needy, it’s just as a survival technique, they'll use whatever they can. And that generation was just absolutely skilled at guilting their kids into stuff.
Patty:
Well, I was actually gonna ask you one of these questions. I was gonna say, culturally for your parents, did they have certain expectations about the care they would receive when they did become elderly that you inherited?
Paul:
Absolutely! And that's why there's this other phenomenon with carers that they don't see themselves as carers. And the reason is because there's sort of a sense of duty and just the family responsibility that they care for you as you were vulnerable and as raised as a child and changing your nappies. And then once the circle of life ends up at the other end, parents have the expectation you're doing the same for them.
Patty:
Hmm and different cultures have different degrees of that expectation as well. Don't you think?
Paul:
Correct. And may I say in some cultures, it's still that way. They don't know what a nursing home is. They look after their families all the time until death do us part, what have you. And this phenomenon about putting our elderly loved ones into a nursing home, it's a relatively new concept. Before that, you know, 150 years ago, that wasn't the case. You were just, family would take care of family.
Patty:
Yeah, yeah, the nucleus family doesn't really exist. It's not sustainable because it puts a lot of pressure on the two people that are trying to raise the other two people. I get that.
Paul:
That's right. Yeah, so that's what mom did and did it successfully, but then I could see it taking its toll. I was very lucky that there was my sister and I, but I feel for those that are on their own
And a lot is about self care. It's the overall ethos. If someone says, can you describe your magazine in one sentence? I would say put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Otherwise, you can't care for anybody.
Patty:
100%. Is there something that was missing for you that you could have benefited from that exists now but wasn't available for you back then?
Paul:
Absolutely, information, nowhere to get support.
I just didn't know what the whole journey looked like. I had no idea about getting mum assessed, what was involved in that, how would it affect her pension, what was available to her as far as home support, that she could get home support, various things like that, what to do for medication management.
There's a whole range of issues. And I had to find it one by one on my own by talking and going here, there and everywhere. And I just wanted to, would have loved a central point where I could go for carers of their elderly loved ones. And no matter what it was, I was needing information for, there it would be.
What were other carers doing? How were they handling the same situation? Because we all like to feel like we're not alone.
Patty:
Yeah, 100%.
Paul:
But most carers do because they're not part of a community. and then a part of a support group.
Patty:
Or they don't feel seen and they feel embarrassed about bringing up emotions that, you know, are not nice. Or are troubling.
Paul:
And what I touched on before, a lot of them might not admit they're carers because they put themselves into a category of being, I think it's on like some sort of payroll or I'm getting paid to do what should be just a natural gesture of love and respect and honour for my parents.
We wrote a wonderful article in edition 1 that talks about that. I wrote it with a sociologist from LaTrobe Uni about external internal identities, and why we develop external identities so that we can be counted on, and we can be recognized. And it can be done so without bruising your internal identity as a loving daughter and a child - they can both coexist.
But you accept the fact that, okay I see why now I can feel comfortable in saying I'm also a carer, as it opens the door to a wonderful for carers.
Patty:
So this was the inspiration for you to become a publisher for The Carer's Guide, is this correct?
Paul:
Absolutely! Yeah, because if you really love your parents, why would you deprive them of access to resources that can help them? So it's the way you think. A lot of the reason why I did it is to reframe the way people think. A lot of the problem is that people have is an inherited way of thinking, or they've never challenged the way they think.
Patty:
Yeah, or they have an inherited way of thinking that is actually quite disempowering and not sustainable for their own health. That's a big one too, isn't it?
Paul:
Correct. And here's a statistic for you to back that up. 40% of people that care for their elderly loved ones are in worse health condition than their elderly loved ones.
Patty:
Yeah, that's staggering to me.
Paul:
So, self-care is very important and access to resources as much as you can is very important. And it doesn't take away that you're a loving daughter or loving son that cares for your parents and you're giving them the due diligence that they gave you as a child, you're doing it out of love and what have you, that remains.
Patty:
And Paul, I believe that you are the only independent non-government body, or person for that matter, that is so connected and up to date with all the government and even the non-government services that carers require. You're a bit of a phenomena.
I mean, you promote Carer Gateway, among other assistances, but before we get into your why, can we start with who your publication is for and who it might not necessarily serve?
Paul:
Okay. It's specifically for because, you know, you can't build things to all people. And in publishing, you need a niche. And because my experience was caring for my elderly parents, or mother in general, I made the magazine specifically for those caring for their elderly loved ones, whether it's a parent, a spouse or relative or whatever, but the elderly, which now they coin the phrase frail age.
And that's what it's for. So, it probably wouldn't be relevant. I mean, there's always some generalization caring things like self-care is, is across the board, but it's not for people caring for young children or people that have an addiction or alcohol problems or mental health problems. And that is specifically for the elderly.
Patty:
Can you tell us 2 or 3 stories that have really touched your heart over the years?
Paul:
Yeah, the one about dementia and relationships between husbands and wives and what happens when all of a sudden, they wake up and that's not the person I married and I don't know who this is. That can be so sad.
Some of the stories we've written are sad, but then we don't write it to say, so what do you think about that sad story? We always want to leave it with and what's the some of the things you can do to readjust your..
Patty:
expectations, and help with accepting that this is your current situation, where you can go for help?
Paul:
Correct! Yeah, we ran a wonderful article because we have Marie McCabe, the CEO of Dementia Australia, write for us. She wrote a wonderful article about “is it ever okay to lie to your loved one with dementia?”
And it is! You don't want to burst their bubble. And so we wrote a whole article about language around how to deal with issues when they think that, you know, their father is still alive or they want to go home or whatever it is they want to do, and deal with it to avoid any unnecessary responses that could cause difficulty in behaviour.
Another one that's touched me is the one about being a carer. Am I a carer or not? Because what I found frustrating and as you said, we've got a wonderful relationship with advocacy businesses like Carers Australia and... and other affiliations is their frustration is that they won't accept themselves as carers.
A lot of the people that need help won't receive it because they don't want to be labelled as a carer and that article is very instrumental in helping people just change the way they think about it. One of the mottos is when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Patty:
What advice do you have for carers, Paul?
Paul:
What advice do I have for carers? Don't be hard on yourself. There's no such thing as perfection. You need care as much as your elderly loved one needs care. You need to be good to yourself. You need to intentionalise.
One of the articles I wrote actually was about a lot of people make a care plan for their elderly loved ones, but they don't include themselves. And I say, when you make a care plan, it should be a dual care plan.
Patty:
That's a good tip actually.
Paul:
Yeah, you need to have your own agenda in there as well. When your times are for care as well as the care of your elderly loved one, and not to go too deep into it, but when the elderly loved one, let's say your elderly mother knows that you are in good health, they feel more comforted than knowing that you're coming in on your last breath, but you've been there every day doing everything you can for them, but they can see you're fragile. They’re more anxious.
So you might feel that, you know, on a surface level, hey, you know, I've dug deep, I'm going the extra mile, but on an emotional subconscious level, your elderly loved ones not feeling as secure if you're starting to wobble. It's a bit like, I always think in terms of pictures, but it's a bit like when you're on an airplane, you're getting a lot of turbulence. If you look at the hostess and she's freaking out.
Patty:
It gives you permission to do the same, but if she's calm, you’ll be calm.
Paul:
Correct.
Patty:
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Paul:
And that's what we say. So self-care, I would say, you know, prioritize it because people living longer, you're gonna be caring for longer and it's about the journey. And if you lose your health, you're no good to anybody.
Patty:
True that. You mentioned earlier that your mum saw a psychologist. Have you ever seen one as well? Have you ever benefited from counselling sessions?
Paul:
Oh, absolutely. The family, the tree, what is it? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yeah.
Patty:
Really?
Paul:
And that's actually how it came about originally was when you see a psychologist, they always start with, “so tell me about your family”.
Patty:
Yes!
Paul:
And so, when the time came for mum's issue to come to the surface, I said, would you like to meet the tree? As you've been dealing with the apples up until now. And they said, yeah, and he was fantastic. He diagnosed it straight away. And she accepted it!
She had finally admitted it because there was nowhere else to hide. There was nothing that she could hide behind. Dad was gone. There was just all us kids knowing that there was an issue. So, we put it in place that mum eventually weaned off us having to stay there every night.
Patty:
Wow! That’s big!
Paul:
Yeah. She ended up staying on her own. And one of the things that helped was mobile phones, because you know, old generation don’t like adopting technology,
So, by putting it by her bed, letting her know that it's all pre programmed. If she ever has a panic attack or she ever needs anything. She just pressed this one number, and I actually timed it in my car, I was the closest to her. It took something like 6 minutes to get there.
And just her knowing that I'll press this number on 6 minutes away from my son being there was comfort enough for her to guts it out, and be left, sleeping on her own.
Patty:
That’s really extraordinary. How old was she when she did that?
Paul:
Um, late 70s.
Patty:
Yeah, that's really, really impressive.
Paul:
Yeah, so just practical things, you know, it's... you know, action cures fear, just practical things where they feel comforted knowing that there's a solution, there's always a solution.
Patty:
And so, for those that are not aware. The Australian Carers Guide produces a separate guide for all five states and publishes new editions four times a year. God love your content creation manager. And for those that prefer to read it in print, you can actually pick up a copy in any news agency across the country or you can subscribe on the homepage.
We're actually going to include a link in the transcript and in the show notes including Spotify and iTunes for you to be able to do that because past editions are also available for free on the website. So what you have, is a gold mine for carers and I'm so thrilled because you're catering to a demographic that doesn't always have online access by actually providing this magazine in print and I think that's wonderful especially in this day and age where everything's gone digital but not everyone can go digital, so I really have a lot of respect for the work that you're doing
Paul:
And not everyone wants to go digital.
Patty:
True. Now, Paul, I know that you have MS and you were diagnosed, was it 10 or 12 years ago?
Paul:
Twelve years ago, that's correct.
Patty:
Yeah, do you have any physical symptoms that you might grapple with?
Paul:
Absolutely. I grapple with fatigue, and when I walk, it can be unstable depending on a good day, bad day. And I can the moment's notice not even known and then end up on the floor. So, it's affected my ability to play certain sports. I used to love my squash and tennis,
But I had a bad fall, and I was really bad. And so now even when I walk up the street, I could clip my foot and end up on the floor. And yeah, so it's become a bit tricky.
Patty:
And given all your experience and access to resources, have you got a care plan together? Have you actually put one together for when you start to decline?
Paul:
This is my conundrum at the moment. My doctor says the best thing you can do for yourself is de-stress your life.
Patty:
And you are self-employed and owner of a publication. So does he have any suggestions about how you can do that?
Paul:
Correct! Not really, but get support and staff's not easy to come by this time, but luckily I have support.
Patty:
But you do have somecgreat staff though, don't you?
Paul:
Yes, I great people around me.
But it's like when it's your baby, it's like being Roger Federer and you want to all of a sudden hand over the reins or you want to slow down a bit, well, you can't, you either play tennis or it doesn't happen, because all the ideas and what have you is in me. So succession plan is something I'm considering because obviously, you know, I can't sustain this forever and also deal with my MS.
But I finally, you know, started to take my own advice and I've applied for NDIS support. Everyone's saying, why aren't I getting NDIS support?
Patty:
That's actually a wonderful thing that you've shared because I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you are 61 years young. Is this correct?
Paul:
Correct.
Patty:
Yeah, which means, just, which means that if you apply for the NDIS when you're 65 and over, you won't be deemed eligible. And I think that's really important for our carers to know, is this correct?
Paul:
Correct, yes, it cuts off at 65, and then home care packages and everything take over after that, and that's the delinage. So I thought, I have, yeah, I've
Patty:
So have you applied now? Are you already in the throes of your application or are you waiting to hear back from them?
Paul:
No, I got my number, my letter in the mail, and you'll be getting, we need more information from your doctor, you'll be getting a letter.
Patty:
Paul Koury leading by example.
Paul:
Yeah, I thought, you know, if I'm talking to all these people that, because a lot of home care providers also provide, care for the disabled and different demographics who are going through NDIS, I thought, well, this is a great opportunity to experience the journey myself.
Patty:
Yeah, and of course as a publisher, you'll publish about your own journey, which is wonderful. But have you actually got your care plan together as well? Because I'm imagining that the NDIS or the application for it is only one of the multitude of steps that you'll need to take, is that correct?
Paul:
Correct. And I hadn't received my letter yet, the day they had promised 3 weeks ago. When I rang up to find out where it was, they said, oh, sorry, it's stuck in our inbox.
All of a sudden I thought, I'm starting to understand what everyone's been saying here.
Patty:
There's the admin man following up on the admin.
Paul:
Yeah.
Patty:
I think that's wonderful. And you've thought about the type of care you'd like to have administered when you'll need it?
Paul:
Yeah, well, you know, obviously I'm a single man now and I have to do everything myself and so yeah, it would be nice just having some cleaning maybe, the sheets, things like that. Like I'm capable, I dress myself and you know, cook my own food, but just to help around the house with cleaning, tidying up, that kind of thing. Maybe even shopping here and there, walk the dog.
Patty:
Yeah of course. Well, I think I've picked your brain enough and I think that you now deserve some rapid fire wrap-up questions.
Paul:
Shoot.
Patty:
Okay all right if you could go back and have the option of having another career instead of your publishing career what would you choose and why?
Paul:
I would probably choose law. My mother suggested it. I've always had a way of talking to people that could make a good argument. Because in our family, we were always, you know, trying to one up each other with, you know, good arguments and backing it up with facts and so forth. So, I sharpened my skills in my family. But I was the mouthpiece of the family and always won the debates at school.
Patty:
Paul-Can-Sell-Ice-To-The-Eskimos-Koury?
Paul:
Thank you very much.
Patty:
Would you have been a defense lawyer or a prosecutor?
Paul:
I would have probably been a defence lawyer. I’d have liked to have ofsaved people from things rather than bury them.
{both laugh}
Patty:
What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Paul:
The most spontaneous thing I ever done was go on a ride at the Sydney show, because I'm a terrible wuss when it comes to rides. And I was always the one holding the show bags watching everyone else. And I thought, you know, yeah, I thought, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to face my fear head on. So I went on this ride, even though I knew it was against my better judgment. And,
Patty:
And you did it?
Paul:
I did it. It was called the pirate. I don't know if you remember the pirate?
Patty:
I do, I do. Another question, which isn't part of the rapid fire wrapper, but did you vomit afterwards?
Paul:
I got off. I had to stop it.
{both laugh}
Patty:
Okay. I love that
Paul:
I had a teddy bear on this, you know, hula hoop thing, so I'm holding this bear. And when I got there, when I saw the rider was doing this, and I thought, oh, that's something I can handle. But I didn't realize that was at the end, right?
{both laugh}
So I'll get on holding my teddy bear that I just won. Let it rip, mate. And all of a sudden, it started doing this. And my stomach.. and I just thought this is gonna be bad for everyone in front of me. So I was like “oh, I'm so sorry!” I know the kids are going, “mummy, what's happening?” You know, they're just letting this old man off.
Patty:
Oh, I still know, I love it. You own it and you own every aspect of that story, I love it.
Who do you consider to be your best friend?
Paul:
My sister by far. Yeah, we've travelled so many roads together.
Patty:
You have, you've navigated a lot. Well, three losses. The older sister, the dad, the mum. Yeah, if that's not gonna bind you.
Paul:
Yeah very true.
Patty:
What is your love language, Paul Koury?
Paul:
Time.
Patty:
Ah, quality time.
Paul:
Yeah, because when my parents migrated, obviously they were struggling. They couldn't bring in the money. They were running here to there to try and set up a life. And, yeah, and I was, the 2 year old or 3 year old and they just didn't have enough time for the nurture part.
Patty:
Yeah, yeah, I get that. Apart from continuing to bless our carers with your magazine, what other goals does Paul Koury have for his future?
Paul:
Um, I would like to find love again. I'm a believer that there's, you know, that, um, you can go in the whole world, but if you have not love, you know, you missed out on the whole point.
And it's great to have my family, my friends, my dog, my publication, the interaction I have with carers and that is love, but there's a lot that you have from a partner that, you know, is just special.
Patty:
That sounds like some good cherry on top!
Paul:
Yeah, I'm the happiest when I'm loving, you know, someone intimately. So It'd be nice to find that again.
Patty:
Oh my goodness, you heard it here first folks. You've now got his email address if you are keen. Carer Gateway, we are not just a service provider, we are a matchmaking service for those that are aligned.
Paul:
Cupid Gateway, here we come.
Patty:
and Cupid's Gateway, here we come. {both giggle}
Paul:
We actually wrote an article about sex over 70 in one of our articles. It was just fascinating, even for me to read. I tell you what, they're not, you know, they're not lying dormant. Pardon the pun. There are certain activities they're up and about.
{both giggle}
Paul:
You are so endearing. You’re lovely to chat with Patty.
Patty:
So are you Paul Koury. This is just this has been amazing. This has just been brilliant!
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Now for all our carers that are listening to this episode today We have a special link for you to receive a free subscription to the digital magazine, that we will include in our show notes on Simplecast as well as on Spotify and the tuned apps. Until next time my lovely carers, take good care of yourselves.
Billy:
If you are caring for a relative or a friend who has a disability, a mental health condition, a life limiting health or medical condition.
Or they are frail because they're getting older. Please contact us at Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737, or look us up on www.carergateway.gov.au
And if you are a carer, you're allowed to take time to look after yourself. You are just as important as the person you take care of.