Patty Kikos interviews Warwick Doughty about his devotion to the care of his beloved wife Annie who has dementia. “Wazza”, as he is affectionately known, enjoyed an illustrious career that included being the general manager of Luna Park in Sydney. He speaks candidly about how his generation, the baby boomers didn’t prepare men for the stress of a caring role, and how he is determined to prove them wrong. GUEST: Warwick Doughty & Dementia Australia - https://www.dementia.org.au/ SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow Patty on Instagram Follow The Benevolent Society on Instagram Follow Carer Gateway on Facebook Follow The Benevolent Society on Facebook CREDITS: Host – Patty Kikos Producers – Patty Kikos and John Hresc Sound Engineer – John Hresc GET IN TOUCH: Carer Gateway is proud to offer emotional and practical services and support for carers with the aim of making your life easier. You can call us on 1800 422 737 to find out more about peer support groups, counselling, coaching, online skills courses, tailored support packages, emergency respite, other government supports, as well as tips and information, or visit our online home at www.carergateway.gov.au Got some questions or thoughts for Patty or the team? Email us at cgconnections@benevolent.org.au and put ‘Attention Patty’ in the subject line. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: The Benevolent Society acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Patty Kikos interviews Warwick Doughty about his devotion to the care of his beloved wife Annie who has dementia. “Wazza”, as he is affectionately known, enjoyed an illustrious career that included being the general manager of Luna Park in Sydney. He speaks candidly about how his generation, the baby boomers didn’t prepare men for the stress of a caring role, and how he is determined to prove them wrong.
GUEST:
Warwick Doughty & Dementia Australia - https://www.dementia.org.au/
SOCIAL MEDIA:
Follow Patty on Instagram
Follow The Benevolent Society on Instagram
Follow Carer Gateway on Facebook
Follow The Benevolent Society on Facebook
CREDITS:
Host – Patty Kikos
Producers – Patty Kikos and John Hresc
Sound Engineer – John Hresc
GET IN TOUCH:
Carer Gateway is proud to offer emotional and practical services and support for carers with the aim of making your life easier.
You can call us on 1800 422 737 to find out more about peer support groups, counselling, coaching, online skills courses, tailored support packages, emergency respite, other government supports, as well as tips and information, or visit our online home at www.carergateway.gov.au
Got some questions or thoughts for Patty or the team? Email us at cgconnections@benevolent.org.au and put ‘Attention Patty’ in the subject line.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
The Benevolent Society acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Warwick
You've got to find relief to that stress. So, I've undertaken before my next discussion with Carer Gateway. I'm going to try and identify what that stress is and where I'm getting it from. So how I can possibly take it away or change it a bit
Patty
Or redefine it?
Warwick
Or redefine it and realising that as I said, good stress is important as you can get motivated, but I can see that why they say that sometimes carers hit a wall. And that's not good for the for the carer or the cared, so if you can identify that and take a deep breath and think about it.
There's a lot of talk about respite care for the career and the care. And it's out there. So, I just think that you if you identify that stress because that's what it is, it's. It's learning a new role.
In business, you tend to have to be stressed to get a job done and finished. You don't get a job done and finished as a carer, it's ongoing. So that sort of stress builds up. You don't get that relief of saying God, I finished that job tick, move on to the next bit of stress.
--
Billy
From the Carer Gateway at the Benevolent Society, we welcome you to, Carer Conversations with your host Patty Kikos.
The Carer Gateway is the Australian Government national care hub and provides reliable services, support and advice especially for carers.
This podcast is where we share interviews with guests that have specialized knowledge to help support carers to look after their emotional, mental and physical well-being.
We are recording on Aboriginal country, on lands which were never ceded. We acknowledge the traditional custodians and cultural knowledge holders of these lands and waters. We pay our respects to Aboriginal elders, past and present.
Always was, always will be.
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Patty
Good day to you, my lovely listeners, in just a few moments I'm going to introduce you to a man, that has had an extraordinarily successful business career and he's keen to share his story because he's now the full time carer of his wife Anne, who has dementia.
Warrick Doughty held many executive leadership roles, including being the director of Luna Park and the founding partner of Dentel International, just to name a few things. Remember those infomercials that said, “But wait, there's more!” well, he had a little bit to do with that.
He's gone from having executive assistants who looked after his diary and appointments, to now being responsible for the person that he loves most in the world with no assistance from anybody else. And as we've said before on the show, there are only 4 kinds of people in the world.
Those who have been carers, those who are currently carers, those who will be carers and those who will need carers. Now let's get to know Warwick, also known as Wazza. Warwick, how young are you?
Warwick
I'm 74.
Patty
Your parents were publicans and your dad passed away when you were six. And then you attended boarding school for about 5 years. Your brothers were 11 and 13 years older than you, is that right?
Warwick
That's right, Mum and Dad wanted a girl. So for quite a long time, I wasn't even given. A name? Yeah.
Patty
What were you called, baby Doughty.
Warwick
No “peanuts”. {both laugh}
But I never really knew my dad. He was young when he passed away from war experience.
At boarding school. It was a positive experience for me as I didn't know any different. Mom owned a pub in the Surry Hills area, and she wanted me to get away from that rough culture even though I loved it and I loved knowing everyone there.
Patty
I bet everyone loved you as well.
Warwick
I was a precocious kid.
Patty
Yeah. Well, 1967 was a significant year in NSW because it was the first time that high school was for 6 years instead of 5 and you completed your final year known as the HSC or the Higher School Certificate. It was meaningful for you because the girl that you'd met and chatted to regularly on the train turned you down when you asked her to your leaving ball.
In fact, you had to ask her 2 more times before she said yes, and then she only agreed so long as you also accompanied her to her end of year formal as well.
That young lass was Annie, and you've been together since 1967, married since 1972. And parents since 1979. And we're recording in 2023. So, tell us a little bit about your 56 years of partnership. It's very aspirational.
Warwick
It's been a very good partnership. The 1st decade really, we travelled the world together, New Guinea and Europe and England. Stayed there for quite a while. The 2nd decade we came back to Australia to have the children. And that was pretty traumatic. Having 2 boys and then the 3rd decade.. {both laugh}
Patty
Traumatic because you were no longer single or traumatic because you had 2 boys?
Warwick
I was no longer single. And I had to learn to change nappies. My God. {both laugh}
The 3rd decade became us building businesses, getting involved in a number of different businesses. And I guess the 4th and 5th decade we developed businesses like we attempted to save (and have done so) save Linda Park. And currently, I'm Anne's full time carer.
Patty
What's your favourite thing about Anne?
Warwick
I can say a lot of things, but she's got a cool and calm disposition. She's pleasant. Much different to me.
Patty
So you're not pleasant. Are you saying we're unpleasant?
Warwick
I was referring to the calm bit. The one son takes after her and another after me. But there's a bit a bit of a bit of both of us in all of them.
Patty
I see. It sounds like Anne was also very well organised. She was efficient. I mean, she'd worked as a librarian. From what you've told me, as well as a researcher. And when she stopped, paid worked to look after the boys, he also became the president of the P. And C at school. Is it true that while in many ways you were responsible for organising other people at work, she was responsible for keeping you and your sons organised at home
Warwick
Yep, and she did the lot. She kept the house and running smoothly. I actually like cooking, but she did the majority of that work and the housework. Which meant that I could manage stress at work and always come home to a peaceful at home. Most of the time.
Patty
Most of the time, well, you had 2 boys, so they were pretty boisterous, yeah.
Warwick
Yep we had 2 boys.
Patty
Now what many people might not necessarily know about you is that you qualified as an accountant. And you then had an opportunity to travel to New Guinea, where you lived for a few years, and then once your time there was done, you decided that you'd stop and see London for a few months.
But there was a bit of a plot twist there. Because that adventure ended up turning into a 4 year stay where you became a financial accountant for a company that's now known as Sony Records. When you returned to Australia, you had many career successes from purchasing the Metro Theatre on George Street, Sydney, turning it into a very successful venue to then taking over the Dendy Theatre.
You also started a company called Demtel and they were very well known for their infomercials. You also purchased a submarine, just quietly, as well as a spaceship and up until a year ago, you were the director of Luna Park in Sydney, and only resigned from the board last week. Now, would you describe yourself as ambitious?
Warwick
I like a challenge. I can understand systems being a manager systems accountant and I can easily see problems when others can't see them.
And, it's a whole new world for me being the carer. IIt's just part of the process of moving down from what, 52 years of marriage, or fifty or seven years of being together to the next phase. And as I've said many times and looked after me for the 1st 50 years.
Patty
That's right.
Warwick
I'm looking after her now
Patty
Well, Anne was diagnosed with vascular dementia 3 years ago when you were still working. Did you have a sense that this was coming before her geriatrician officially diagnosed her?
Warwick
No, not really. We both thought it was part of ageing. We all forget things as you get older, but her GP picked up that there was a bit bit more there than usual in the ageing process, so he recommended her to see a professional where he diagnosed her. So once the diagnosis came through, I then started to notice it. So you tend to fit the diagnosis with the condition after you know about the diagnosis.
Patty
Yeah, once you've been told about it, then you can see it, yeah.
Warwick
You see it. It makes things a lot easier when you think, OK, there's a there's a reason for this.
Patty
Yeah, she's not just becoming quirky or a little bit forgetful.
Warwick
No, no, no.
Patty
And was it just her memory or was it other things? Was she misplacing things?
Warwick
No, at the early stage it was just memory. Yeah, not being able to recall things that should have been recalled. I mean for instance, I mean, Anne and I love travelling together. We've done everything together. Around the world, around Australia, and I mean, she should be able to remember those things we always used to.
Patty
So, when you were recalling fond memories, she wasn't able to recollect them?
Warwick
She was just she was very scratchy on them.
Patty
I see. I mean, how is dementia showing up for Anne, every day now? What are the most significant changes for her in addition to the memory loss?
Warwick
Well, the changes are over her progressive of the illness. She gets frustrated with herself and other people. And she finds it difficult to understand the condition as described. And as we go on, she began to realise that more and more, but nonetheless, she's at that stage now where it's just difficult for her to come to come to terms with. Her ability to focus on the present task is what frustrates her most.
Patty
So you mean she might be washing dishes and get distracted? Or she might be cooking and get distracted?
Warwick
She's easily distracted. She won't focus on a task at hand and that's..
Patty
So, you have to keep prompting her?
Warwick
Yeah.
And that frustrates me trying to get her to finish her task. Yeah, but and her lack of memory and inability to recall what's happening the previous day takes getting used to.
Patty
Yeah, for her and for yourself, I bet.
Warwick
For both of us
Patty
Yeah. How do your sons manage that?
Warwick
With a lot of sympathy, they love their mum, so I guess they just have to live with it like I do.
Patty
You mentioned earlier that when Anne had her license taken away from her it really upset and hurt her especially because of how it was done, can you tell us a little bit about that?
Warwick
Well, during the process, Anne was told that she would ultimately have to hand her licence back and she was aware that there were particular licenses you can get in New South Wales that allow you to drive 10 kilometers from home because you're used to that area.
And she was keen to get one of those. And when we were on the 1st part of the journey at the Royal Hospital in Bondi, they said she would have to lose her license and they told me that I'd be better be careful.
Anne changed her GP at that stage because her first GP who diagnosed it, went back to New Zealand and so her current GP actually asked to see her licence and took it off her.
Patty
Ouch
Warwick
And it was quite yes, it was an ouch for her. And it was quite sudden and she still harbours that annoyance that she could have been able to drive around for at least 10 kilometres from home, but she can’t. She’d get lost.
Patty
Because once you have, you're diagnosed with dementia, it's actually illegal to keep driving. Isn't that correct?
Warwick
It is. It's a reportable incident by the doctor.
Patty
Does she ever forget you or your sons.
Warwick
Yeah, she does. Yeah.
Patty
What do you do when she does?
Warwick
Ohh, originally I'd say, “you silly old moo, it's me!” But these days I just smile and when she asks “Where’s Wazza?” I just say, “it’s me, darling, I'm here”. We laugh it off.
Annie seems to think there's people staying in the house. One time I recall there were a couple of girls staying in the house. Well, I couldn't find them. {both giggle} I looked but no, it's just it's just her. Her brain is just not connecting to that that part of her life now.
Patty
How do your sons respond when she forgets them?
Warwick
The same as me, the the granddaughters and the grandchildren are learning, and they've been told to expect that yeah, she has difficulty remembering the names of our 6 grandchildren. She knows them and they know her. But that's just part of the part of the process of dementia.
Patty
Do you stay calm?
Warwick
I do now.
Patty
Yeah, it's been a learning you've had to unlearn.
Warwick
Too, right I have.
Patty
You've had to unlearn your feistiness. It just won't work here, will it?
Warwick
No, it won't work.
Patty
You retired from paid work last year and you're now Anne’s full time career. How have you navigated this transition and what has been the steepest learning curve for you?
Warwick
Really, other than learning how to relate to Anne. The biggest problem was when I retired. The biggest problem was working out what was out there.
Patty
Ohh, you mean like services that are available?
Warwick
Yeah. What services are out there and it really is hard and I've taken it upon myself to learn more about that and through our local council, I met Carers Gateway which was a great organisation and they've been really good. I've been offered a coaching course which is fantastic and I've also been on a cooking course with them.
Patty
Ohh, we're gonna talk about that later.
Warwick
Yeah. And, but no, they were. But learning about My Aged Care. A lot a lot of local councils offer support now, and I've gone on to some committees and trying to help relate my experience for others, which I'm out there trying to do because it is tough.
It is hard to navigate your way through all the services from federal government to state government. From councils and to charities, but they're there and they're all very, very, very good.
Patty
Did Anne have a My Aged Care assessment?
Warwick
Yes, she did. I got Anne a My Aged Care assessment last April. And she's quite active. She can look after herself. She has no problems. She's a far fitter girl than me. So, she had no problems with that and as you know, on the 1st level of that it's a non means tested level in My Aged Care, so Annie was given 3 codes to use and hasn't used them yet.
But the interesting thing was that then I was told that maybe I should get myself assessed. And I was assessed and I'm the carer, and I got 11 codes.
Patty
Isn't that interesting?
Warwick
Fascinating. I mean, I can only recommend that if you are in that position, you get the code yourself. You don't have to use them, but you may need them in the future, so it's easy to have them in your back pocket, like transport for instance. I still drive, so they gave me a transport one.
They got cranky when I told them I was cleaning the gutters out and climbing up the ladder. I was told not to do that, so they gave me a gutter cleaning one.
Patty
I don't blame them.
Warwick
So, it's things like that, so I can only recommend people to look at themselves and try and get the codes that help them. Not today, but for the future.
Patty
I'm so glad you said that, because many couples that have been together for a very long time start to also develop a co-caring relationship.
Warwick
Yeah, they do
Patty
So now you're learning a lot about yourself, and you find yourself doing all the cooking and many of the household chores, many of which Anne used to do. How's that landing for you?
Warwick
It's part of the process, you have to do it. You can get a code for cleaner. We don't need that. I can still use the the Dyson vacuum cleaner. I've always liked cooking when I was at work, of course Anne did the cooking but I've always loved it.
I'm quite an adventurous, adventurous cook. Not sometimes with not great success, but nonetheless I have a go. And as I get older, I can cook the things that mum used to cook for me that Ann doesn't like. Like lambs fry and bacon so they don't choke on it all or crumbed lambs brains.
Patty
And you're also hoping to keep a nice and active, so you do plenty of social outings and you stay in touch with your friends and family. Don't you?
Warwick
Yes, we do. I decided very early on to talk about it and not have Anne becoming a shrinking violet, which you can easily do. And once all our friends and family knew there was an issue, they all became far more understanding of what was going on. And then, as a byproduct, understood what I was going through.
Patty
Yes, of course.
Warwick
So that was good.
Patty
Would you say that this is a very different type of mental load that you're carrying?
Warwick
Yes, much, much, different. I mean we're all used to different sort of mental strain and stress, but this is one where you're looking after a loved one at the same time you've got other things to do and you know what's behind it. My wife, she just.. it's not her fault. She’s going through what she's going through. And so you've got to be a bit more allowing for it. So, but yeah, it is it is a change.
Patty
Of course. You said that you don't think that men of your generation, which you affectionately refer to as “baby boomers”, are not natural carers. How are you learning to become one?
Warwick
Well, as I've said before, I think women of my generation and in all generations are more in a caring role. They care for the children, they bare the children, they tend to be the home makers. In particularly in my age, in my era. And so the men went to work, came home, had dinner.
You know, they did what they had to do at home, fell asleep and or watched TV. But the women were the were the main carers at home. So that was how that was, how our life started. But now I don't have the work to worry about, but nonetheless it is a learning curve. I think the younger generation are much more as couples, much more sharing and caring in the in those domestic roles.
Patty
And they're not as defined by gender as it was for you. So that's why it's a steeper learning curve for you, I dare say.
Warwick
That's right. That's right.
Patty
And I also know that you're basically a very organised person, so that helps, but it still requires discipline to get things done as well as offer the love and support that your partner Anne needs. Isn't that right?
Warwick
Yes it is. I am disciplined myself, but this puts pressure, on being disciplined because you have someone with dementia, they have a condition called shadowing where a dementia patient will shadow the carer and.
Patty
Which means when you get up, she'll get up and follow you.
Warwick
Yes you'll get up and want to help. And sometimes I'm used to saying if you. want a job, well done, do it yourself. Yeah. And so and I can't get cranky with that. She wants to help. Yes. And in in line with trying to keep her active so that that part of her life is getting harder, but nonetheless, I can't stop it happening.
Patty
How can men be more supported in their caring role?
Warwick
I think they just have to adjust to it and some men can't. Some men can and most will have to. It's a good point. Some of us will handle it better than others.
I mean, Dementia Australia will tell you. Of the carers out there, only about 27% of men and they think it’s because men don't admit to being a carer, they tend to hide it and don't report being a carer, but they are. And as we age as the population ages, I think more men will have to declare being a carer of their of their loved ones, so it's.
Patty
True that.
Warwick
It's just a role that you have to fulfil. And as I said to you some will feel fulfilled better than others, some will find it a great challenge.
Patty
Yeah. And to see is to believe so for your children and grandchildren, seeing you look after their mum and their grandma is a real positive change.
Warwick
That is a change. I mean, I'm quite keen for them to know their grandmother. Yeah, even in her present issue. And that's the part that I try and see them as much as I can. Yeah and Anne can relate to them.
She’ll forget their names. But my mother forgot both my 2 brothers and my name regularly. And I don't think she had dementia, so I'd always get called Nigel or something else. And so, I think all of us grew up with that, with siblings.
Patty
My mom did the same and my sibling was a different gender. So that was funny.
Warwick
Hahaha
Patty
And you admitting that you're also a little bit out of your comfort zone and need help, is a really important step to take because not meant to do this alone. No one is.
Warwick
No, no, I am out of my comfort zone. But comfort zones don't change and you become used to it and comfort is what you used to really. And I'm learning to handle that doesn't mean it's easy. I don't suggest anyone find would find it easy, but nonetheless you have to adjust to it, and sometimes, there's a lot of fun and pleasure in it and other times it's just frustrating for both of us.
Patty
And attending support groups where you can share your stories with other carers and learn from them as well, I bet is helpful. I mean, I know that Anne has enjoyed various outings to the zoo or the art gallery you've really enjoyed attending peer support programs through Carer Gateway and mingling with other carers, and you're also enjoying the coaching services that Carer Gateway offers. What has been the most enjoyable aspect of this for you?
Warwick
Really, for me, meeting others on the same journey as us has been a plus. You realise there are people out there and we're not unique in it. I enjoy talking to other carers. I actually enjoy talking to other dementia patients. I found that most interesting to see how they respond to someone they don't know. And they do respond.
So, you shouldn't shy away from someone who's not your loved one that has dementia. And I have found if you can try and connect with them, it's satisfying for them and also for yourself.
I'm in the I'm in the Carer Gateway peer group.
Patty
The peer support group?
Warwick
Yep , the peer support group and I meet we meet once a month and that's interesting for me too, because you meet people with caring for children or caring for their age parents. And that's a different style to me, but they're still caring for someone that has that had issues. But what's out there from the various support groups it covers us all.
Patty
What I love about your story is that initially, when Anne felt embarrassed about the development of her dementia symptoms, you reassured her that she has absolutely nothing to be self-conscious about and you encouraged her to be honest with everyone.
In fact, you tell me that you're both still as social as ever, and you're passionate about making a traditionally invisible illness, more visible in society, which I think is really important because much like it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to care for our frail and our elderly, do you think this has benefited Anne as well as you as her carer?
Warwick
Absolutely. I took a decision early on to involve people in it and I think it's been vitally important for her to still see her friends, even though there's issues with remembering them, but she still enjoys it and can sit and talk to someone. She will say the same thing a couple of times, but nonetheless she still finds that outing interesting.
So, I think it's very important that you involve yourself in that. It isn't contagious, although I have referred regularly to the fact that I've decided it is contagious. You get it from your wife
Both laugh
because I forget things too, but nonetheless, no. I think it's been a great help to Anne and also a great help to the care of me.
Patty
Tell me about the coaching sessions that you're having with Carer Gateway.
Warwick
Yes, that was an interesting call I got a call out of the blue really, because I've been going to these carer peer groups. And I got a call from a lovely lady on the phone saying, would I like to do a 6-week (6 session) coaching course. Well, I said, what do I need coaching for? then I thought, well, me being me, I’ll say yes and find out what it was what it's all about. So, I set up a time.
This lovely, lady Rachel rang me and we chatted for the first hour as to why I wanted coaching and she very quickly learned that my coaching requirement was to organise myself.
Patty
Because you were so used to organising other people.
Warwick
Yep, I organised other people.
Patty
And in all fairness, you had assistants that organised your diary and your schedule.
Warwick
They did. They had. I had other staff doing a lot of those things for me.
Patty
And Anne organising you at home.
Warwick
And Anne organising the home, but I was very good at organising them to organise me, but no what Rachel and I then we decided to focus on how I attacked my own organising my time to get through the things I had to do.
Patty
So fine tuning your time management, you mean?
Warwick
Yes, yes. And then the first week we then spoke 2 weeks later, and I pointed out I didn't think it was working, so it was adjusted to a different way, which I think is working now. I've set aside time of the day to do certain things, and even though I moved the time frame around, that's been a great help.
Patty
So you schedule it because if you don't schedule that time your admin time, it will never get done.
Warwick
It didn't get done.
Patty
And that's a really important point for our listeners to hear.
Warwick
Yeah, you never get it done because, being the carer, the role takes over everything. You can waste a lot of time being a carer and not organise yourself and the person you're caring for.
Patty
Hmm, this is true, and you've always thrived in stressful environments because if anything, it was more of a motivator for you. But see, you'd work in a stressful work environment, but you'd come home to a peaceful environment because Anne used to manage the house. But I can't help but think that the stress of being a full-time carer is different and you need to get accustomed to that different level of stress.
Warwick
You do. It's interesting that in the last discussion I had with Carer Gateway about this very thing in the last coaching session we had, which is only this week actually, we talked about stress and how you handle it. And it was interesting. I always believed that stress helps you get things done good. Yes. Yeah. I I'm learning that. But certainly you can get stressed
Warwick
You've got to find relief to that stress. So, I've undertaken before my next discussion with Carer Gateway. I'm going to try and identify what that stress is and where I'm getting it from. So how I can possibly take it away or change it a bit
Patty
Or redefine it?
Warwick
Or redefine it and realising that as I said, good stress is important as you can get motivated, but I can see that why they say that sometimes carers hit a wall. And that's not good for the for the carer or the cared, so if you can identify that and take a deep breath and think about it.
There's a lot of talk about respite care for the career and the care. And it's out there. So, I just think that you if you identify that stress because that's what it is, it's. It's learning a new role.
In business, you tend to have to be stressed to get a job done and finished. You don't get a job done and finished as a carer, it's ongoing. So that sort of stress builds up. You don't get that relief of saying God, I finished that job tick, move on to the next bit of stress.
Patty
It's insidious.
Warwick
Yes, it certainly is.
Patty
Yeah. Ohh Warwick. I think you need to be rewarded with some rapid fire wrap up questions. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Warwick
I'd like more patience, but as I said, I'm learning.
Patty
On a scale of 1 to 10, how patient are you now?
Warwick
Now, I'd say about 8 out of 10.
Patty
So, you're aspiring to be a 10?
Warwick
I'm aspiring to be a 10. I don't think I'll get there though.
Patty
OK, 8 is still pretty good you must have started way lower then.
Warwick
I did.
Patty
What is a piece of advice you were given and you're glad you did not take?
Warwick
Well, we were told originally you have to plan ahead, and you do. You have to think about it, but you have no idea of the length of time and the changes in the process. Anne has vascular dementia, which tends to plateau for a while than drop.
So other forms of dementia are totally different to that, and they're just a progression downhill. So, it doesn't mean you shouldn't plan, but I'm the person that... I don't wanna plan to put Anne in at home. I just don't wanna do it. I know it could be there in the future, but I have a role to perform now and that's way in the future.
Patty
Yep, Yep. That's a much, much later Warwick issue, not a current Warwick issue.
Warwick
Much later, much later. I don't wish to be stressed about that; I want to focus on the present.
Patty
Yep, that's a that's a great point. Do you find you need to take a lot of photos so that you? Can refer to them and show her.
Warwick
I used to be a big photo taker. I had all sorts of cameras and now I carry one on on the phone. No, I don't take many photos. I should. Hmm. And it's a good point I should, because my two sons take plenty of photos and she loves those. So maybe I should take more.
And I'd like to see my grandchildren grow up and relate to their grandmother.
Patty
Which is already happening.
Warwick
It's already happening. I've got a 17-year-old out of a 14-month-old and there's plenty of time, and they're all. They're all great kids, love them dearly, and I'd like them to know their grandmother.
Patty
What do they call you?
Warwick
Poppy Wazza.
Patty
And what do they call Anne?
Warwick
Granny Annie.
Patty
Oh, I love that. Well, you have two sons, but what have you learned most about your two daughters-in-law?
Warwick
Well, that's a very interesting question. They have become most supportive. And whilst they have their own interest in life and their own children to raise, and I'm so glad that both of my sons married 2 great girls they've been a stalwart in their lives and becoming a stalwart in our lives. They even think I'm becoming more patient.
Patty
That's saying something.
Warwick
And that's a big tick for me when they say I'm patient cause they've known me as a cranky old bugger sometimes. So, I must be improving, mustn't I? If they think I'm getting better.
Patty
100%. Given what you've told me, you like to eat? I'm a little bit afraid to ask you this question, but what's your favourite sandwich? And where did you eat it?
Warwick
Ah, well, apart from the lambs fry and bacon and the crumbed lambs' brains. Or tripe. I like tripe. I’m a member of the Sydney tripe club.
Patty
Stop it. Stop it. {they both laugh}
Warwick
Anyway, I love corned beef and pickled sandwiches. That's my favourite, or salami and tomato or chicken and lettuce. I'm a great sandwich eater, I just love sandwiches. I don't like some of these new fancy sandwiches full of everything like beef and salad or things like that.
Just a plain salad for lunch. And I'm, as I said to you, I do like cooking. I tend to cook extra and freeze half for later use and I’m now getting on to learning how to cook Sous-vide, which is that vacuum sealed cooking in slow boiling water or slow hot water. Really quite a common way of cooking in restaurants. So and I have I have all the equipment required. I've just got to get the time to progress it.
Patty
It is. I'm impressed.
Warwick
I have tried and I failed, but nonetheless I've got the bags and I got everything to do.
Patty
I am very impressed, very impressed. Thank you for coming and chatting to us here at carer Conversations Warwick. In a previous episode we have chatted with Sophie Hennessy from Dementia Australia and she has mentioned the incredible services that they provide Australia wide for not only individuals suffering with dementia, but they have wonderful resources for people that are caring for loved ones, online trainings to check your own memetic, as well as teachings on how to care for people with dementia that many support workers use as well. I’ll be sure to include that episode link in the show notes for you.
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